The real reason why I travel

Want to know the secret reason behind my drive to travel…?

Yes it has great by products like incredible adventures, beautiful meetings with amazing souls, life changing experiences, immersion into different cultures, faiths, ritual and ceremony… and lots of divine time drinking coconuts under palm trees on white sandy beaches… (awesome!)

And yes… I LOVE all of these things… but this is not my ultimate motivation…

The real reason I travel is to force myself out of my comfort zone… to come out of my controlled, safe and easy environment and into a space where I can meet my fears & demons head on!

Although I may appear to be a seasoned gypsy who loves freedom and adventure, happy to throw caution to the wind… but I can promise you this is not entirely true.  I am a creature of habit, who loves her stability and has a deep need of control especially around food… because food my dear friends makes me feel safe!  Can anyone else relate?

Food has always been my ‘thing’… in times of stress and insecurity I feed… I seek out food to make me feel safe, to fill the gap of what is lacking… and this has been something I have been working with for a long time, ever since I was about 8.  This coupled with the attachment we have to the physical form… in my case the girl who was once plump who miraculously became skinny(ish) (mainly due to her wild party lifestyle) and then was worried about going back there again.  To the place of little self love… the place of self loathing in fact… the place where eating (and partying… and boys) seemed to be the only thing to stop the hurt and numb the pain.

It’s in times like these when I do not have the things I think I need to feel safe around me – the types of food, the Vitamix, the super foods, the special spring water, the gym sessions (not so much in these days but definitely in my 20′s) – that force me to see the issues that still simmer below the surface clear as day and I realise how easy it is to mask them and numb them away when we exist in such a tightly controlled environment.

Now don’t get me wrong, having excellent quality, highly nourishing food is important and believe me, I have noticed the change in my diet since being in India… the increased starches, less fresh and raw food… and my digestive system has suffered a little.  But is it cause to freak out…? In my case – maybe – and I have been… the worries about getting fat, not getting enough nutrients etc… and this is where it gets interesting.  People who are on the road really show their true colours and this is what I love about the self-exposing nature of travel.  Whatever is bubbling below the surface is likely to erupt like a volcano (or a pimple)… and the best part about this is… something is released and LET GO!! even if only a tiny bit of what we are holding on to.

Fear is a funny thing… we spend much time running and hiding from it…I certainly did just that when I suffered from debilitating anxiety for many years… but really it gives us a incredible gift to learn and grow.  Even when it feels to be completely out of the blue (somewhat like my anxiety), fear always comes from some sort of wound and like any festering sore, the best way to treat it is the delve in, clean the infection and allow it to heal.

On this 12 month mission across the globe that I am but a mere 5 days into, I know there will be a huge amount of learning and letting go.  Of shedding the old identity, the insecurities, the worries… it will be a journey of spending time with the wounded child and teaching her that she is safe and OK wherever she is (with or without the right food)… teaching her that there is no need to be afraid.  That no matter how she looks, she is worthy of love, she is powerful and magical and deserving to be here on this planet… because, oh my goddess does she have a role to play.  and yes dear ones, I am talking about my own wounds here but they apply to you too… we are all walking this path together and are oh so similar in our challenges and neurosis… so when you read my words perhaps they strike a cord in your heart.

Now, on the fear front… here are some tips of how to deal with it.  Having just been reading Ana Forrest‘s Fierce Medicine she inspired me to share.  Her tips are:

1. Identify the fear
2. Turn around, hunt it, stalk it
3. Stop making decisions based on fear
4. Find the healing with in the fear
5. Snuggle up to your fear

So having a long time affinity to what causes me angst I have chose to go all Durga (the warrior goddess and my strongest archetype) and ride in upon my tiger to meet the fear head on with my 18 arms and multitude of weapons blazing.  I’ve thrown myself into the fire of my own creation to literally see what happens next… I will not let fear shape my life like it did when I had anxiety and could not leave the house for weeks or drive my car in tunnels for fear of hyper ventilating (true story)…. and through this process I choose to learn, I choose to heal.  I take my medicine in the large dose I have prescribed myself and if it is hard to stomach… I will take a lot of deep breaths and listen to what comes up… as this is the space for learning.

For me, freedom is a big thing… I’ve created my dream life, my own business I can run from anywhere, helping others heal and awaken to their gifts… I am answering the call of my spirit mission.  But whilst I still carry the burden of this feeling of fear of totally letting go of control I cannot entirely allow myself to be caught and guided by the energy of the Universe.

This is also what this trip is about… to totally LET GO of it all… control of money, control of food, of possessions, of stability… standing completely exposed and saying – OK UNIVERSE – I am ready… I let go… and I allow myself to be caught, to be open to receive… to be filled with your light because that is all that really matters to me… because in my heart I know this is the answer and this is the medicine I need.

How to ground yourself in meditation

I’m writing this as I sit here surrounded by the majestic, magical rocks of Hampi, India.  This is a place that holds supreme power for me in this life and my ancestral lineage (so the messages tell me).  The spirit of nature is so strong here… the sublime landscape of giant boulders seemingly precariously placed on top of one another, surrounded by bodies of flowing water and lush green rice paddies.  The energy of the earth really speaks to me and I can even see the nature spirits flying before my eyes like little sparks of star dust, or tiny fire flies across the sky.  They appear when I am completely stable in my energy, anchored in the heart, in a state of no mind… becoming an clear vessel open to receive.

This is why I am here.  To stabilise, the anchor myself into the centre of the earth and create the strong foundation for more activation to occur.  When my friend Mounir met me the other day and mentioned this retreat led by Maya Mandala (whom I was yet to come to know) I immediately felt I needed to be here.  Then my mind stepped in and confused everything.  How can I go when I have so much work to do?  Do I really want to go on retreat with 30 Russian dakinis (and be the only English speaker)?  How will I feel about not being able to dance with the goddesses? (I clarify – this is an advanced retreat of initiated dakinis who have already been practicing with Maya for years so I came in knowing full well I was not to be included in the dance but would be doing DEEP work with Mounir and the boys).

I had strong resistance to leaving my comfortable Arambol life but my heart simply would not let me be.  The feelings of exclusion and separation and the yearning to dance had to be pushed aside and 3 days ago I found myself on route to this magical land.

So much has happened to me already and we still have 3 more days to go.  Our sunrise and sunset practices have been my most powerful experiences yet and I feel blessed to be working a group of Russian priestesses whose power surpasses anyone I have ever worked with before (and Maya – WOW… just WOW… I want to follow her around the globe… she is not of this world at all).

More on all of these experiences in detail later… but for now I want to share a energy stabilisation technique that can be used for increasing receptivity, healing ourselves, clearing the channel and sending our light out to the world.

When you close your eyes and follow your breath into meditation imagine a tube moving down your spinal column.  The prana (or life force) tube moves through each chakra and activates these energy wheels along the way.

Feel as if you are sending energy down through the tube deep into the crystalline core of mother earth… creating a root system to keep you anchored.

Feel as if you are opening your crown chakra to receive the energy of father sun, your higher self, the ascended masters, the archangels, supreme consciousness, the Universe!

The energy of mother earth and father sun meet in the heart chakra… the space of the little child.. and from here you can beam it out to the world… directing it wherever  you feel it needs to go.  To places of war, of devastation, to people who are sick, people who have passed over, your lovers, your friends… the entire Universe!  Yes… YOU my dear are THAT POWERFUL!  You are an avatar, an electric light body having a human experience and you are remembering your MAGIC in every moment!

This practice of grounding before you expand is crucial as I have certainly noticed in my own playful practice with energy that this is what I was missing.  I was great at expanding my consciousness and opening the top chakras but I was not so good as clearing and grounding through the base.  This is no surprise as our bottom few chakras are very much of this physical world, our fears, our stories, the experiences that we have held on to that keep us stuck in pain. For me it was easier to go up as it was too scary to go down (deep into the basement)…   But I assure you (as I have been experiencing more and more this week), as the energy / electricity gets stronger you’ve got to get it into the ground (and for that you need a clear prana tube and a solid foundation).

Another grounding technique I have used for many years is to visualise myself in a pyramid when I am working with strong energy (and actually all of the time).  The scared geometry of the pyramid is perfect to give you roots into the earth energy and expansion upwards (and up and up and up and UP!!).  I like to see my pyramid filled with light… and sometimes it is a crystal filled with the rainbow of light of my choice.

Give this a try and let me know how you feel.  

My work now is to do my best to stay in the state of ‘no mind’ all the time.  To be in the alpha wave state of meditation, moving through life with the prana tube activated and in full flow, completely stable and grounded in my energy and OPEN to receive the higher frequencies…

Imagine that? A life of total connection, stability of the emotional body, operating from a place of total grounding and divine trust… radiating healing light beams from the heart… healing our beautiful Mother Earth and everyone and everything that needs our love and light.  

This is where we are going (and maybe we are already there)… the future is so exciting now that we are remembering our magic!

LOVE YOU fellow AVATARS xxx

What I learnt from taking the leap from the 9 to 5

As we reach the end of the year I’m getting a little reflective on the year that was.   The good bits, the challenging bits… the times I felt amazing and the times I wanted to hide away in my bed and make it all go away.

Despite feeling like I left my 9 to 5 way back in 2012 when I answered the call of my heart and took a leap (aided by a not so fun at the time push from the Universe in the disguise of a shafting my my job – I must say it sucked at the time but I have never been more grateful as this move changed my life for the better)… I officially left in February 2014 after being given the gift of a 12 month contract at Warner Bros. TV which came by way of a surprise email that I received on the same night I met the love of my life in Ibiza (as you do).  I remember receiving the email offering the Marketing Director contract and immediately felt – NO WAY am I going back to TV land – I’m staying in Ibiza following my dreams!   But then a gentle persuasion from my new love who announced he would 100% love to come back to Australia with me sealed the deal… and, honestly, if I hadn’t have been open to receiving the gift of that contract, I’m not sure I would be doing what I’m doing right now… More on that later.

So my first (almost) full year of self employment has gone like this… mad swings from incredible creativity, feeling completely in the flow and able to manifest whatever my heart desires to complete FEAR, freak out mode and suffering… all of this coupled with experiments of full time yoga teaching which saw me race all over Sydney teaching 20+ classes a week and leaving me an exhausted and under nourished little yogi.

In summary… I have learnt A LOT.  I have learnt so much about myself, about what I need to do to stay open, about how easily I fall into fear and self doubt when I lose sight of my overarching mission and get too caught up in the details and the pushing to make it all work.  I have learnt about my imbalances and have been on a huge journey of surrendering and softening into my under utilised sacred feminine.

I have learnt that I still have a long way to go in realising my magical gifts.  Despite starting the year feeling pretty powerful I’m finishing on a whole other level and feel like this is only the tip of the iceberg… so long as I trust and believe and operate from a space of ALLOWING and opening … anything is possible.

As an imperfectly perfect beam of light shaving a human experience, and openly sharing along the way I want share some nuggets that I  have learnt along my process of leaving the 9 to 5 (and the $$$) to help you on your own journey (so you can sail through or even avoid the road blocks and bumpy bits)…

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Lessons on 2014:

I have learnt to let go of the contraction of perfection… to release the pressure I am forever placing on myself and feel good about what I have already achieved.  To truly enjoy the present moment and feeling that I am enough where I am right now.   

I have learnt that staying connected to my higher mission is EVERYTHING… I have been observing this a lot this year. When I shift my focus to how much money I am making (particularly after visits to my accountant) and not the amazing work I am actually doing, I block my flow.   However, when I stay in my heart and continue to bring love, light and healing to the world the abundance rolls on in.    Now, I’m not saying money is dirty because it is necessary energy and a big part of our world and YES, you deserve to make as much as your heart desires… but maybe it should not be your sole mission?  It certainly doesn’t feel like it should be mine, especially as we enter into this new energetic paradigm.

I have learnt to enjoy the whole journey (not just the destination)… The organisation of my retreats is often all consuming and I have found myself forgetting to stop and enjoy the life I’m creating here.  It all becomes like HARD WORK… so I’ve actively forced myself to stop and appreciate it all… and try to do this in every single moment.

I have learnt to keep it bitesized … Often the creativity gets the better of me and I want to do it all NOW NOW NOW, but as anyone who has been completely burnt out knows, this is generally not achievable, even for super powered yoga goddesses.  This comes back to the idea of relaxing the contraction of perfection and softening into the feminine energy.  Rather than always feeling like we need to do more to be ok, I have begun to wake up to the fact that this life is for enjoying… and that means time to relax, to be with family, friends, in nature… and have fun!!

I have learnt that financial security helps (a lot)… this is what the 12 months at Warner Bros. gave me.  All those hours of sitting in the office, despite feeling disconnected from what I was working on, were actually perfect as they provided me with the financial nest egg to go forth and take the risks required to build the life of my dreams.  So if you are considering a big change, it is nice to have some cushioning to soften your fall (just in case).  Having said that when I first left TV-land and headed over seas I had just bought my first property and only had $3K in the bank.  I remember Mum was freaking out and wondering how I would land on my feet… but that’s the thing about operating from the heart… you really can’t go wrong.  I intuitively knew I had to go to Ibiza (although consciously I was not sure why) and then I met my twin flame and husband to be, the Warner Bros, job was offered to me on a platter and all made sense in the world!!

I have learnt that my fears and insecurities have the ability to completely derail me if I give them too much energy… You know that feeling when you start the downward spiral or comparison-itis and feeling you are not enough?   Or maybe the freaking out that your products, courses or retreats are not selling or the clients are not rolling in?  This is an ongoing dance for me between feeling in the FLOW and feeling in the FEAR.  If you start to give this stuff your energy… guess what happens?  The fears get BIGGER and they are HUNGRY!!  To break this flow I take myself out of my work for a while, meditate on removing blocks around money and abundance and even do some releasing techniques and feel out where this energy is coming from.  I come back to my higher mission and the energy of heart… Let me know if you have any questions about this or book in for a Skype with me!

I have learnt to make time for myself…  This land of self employment is 24/7 and as I simply love it so much sometimes it is hard to switch off.  So I have to MAKE TIME to do so… to make the time to switch off and ALLOW all I have created to integrate into my field (rather than forever desperately seeking more more MORE!).

 I have learnt to ask for help… As a girl who has been determined to do it all on her own from a young age, this year has forced me out of that behaviour.  I have learnt to let go of control and ask for support – in fact I do every single day as part of my morning meditation.  My support posse (both physical and etheric/angelic) are my lifeline and are like my trusty team of employees.  They are there patiently waiting for my call all I need to do is delegate (although sometimes this is hard for me) … and TRUST TRUST TRUST.

I have learnt to be grateful… Every time I get in a funk I turn on the gratitude and feel it all instantly transmute – TRY it!

I have learnt to SURRENDER… This has been HUGE for me in 2014.  This year as seen me truly feel part of a much bigger energetic system.  I’ve always known it in my heart but now it is all the more real.  I have learnt from my great team of guides and energetic teachers that I am not doing this on my own… I have learnt to jump in the divine river and go with the flow.  After years of upstream swimming and feeling stuck in my masculine energy of pushing and fighting hard this has been the biggest relief of my life and has really helped me step into my power as a healer, as a sensual goddess and a channel for the light.

Taking that massive leap was the best and most courageous thing I have ever done to date but I won’t lie to you… I am working harder than ever before… but I wouldn’t change a thing!

If you are feeling like making a change in 2015 and want some support please reach out – I am here for you!  Book in for a FREE skype session with me.

Or, come and take some space for yourself on one of my magical retreats in GOA, SRI LANKA, BALI, IBIZA and MEXICO!

Big LOVE my darlings… may you realise your gifts and your magic and truly step into your radiance in 2015!