Be a good human

If you've been following my on social media you’ll know I have been deep in a very human experience.  Emotions are running free, lots of shadow stuff and I’ve felt ungrounded and out of alignment.  I also just read that October from a Numerology perspective is all about partnerships and balance (YEP!) and it is also a preview into our personal year of 2018 (a master number 11).  Shit!  I am praying the rest of the month is more harmonious and peaceful as I don't think I could hack a whole year of this!  

What I'm laying down to you today is really pretty simple, but seemingly easy to forget...

In these days of spiritual activation and awakening, high fives for remembering who you are and for doing your devotional practices and rituals...
Gold star for surrendering your old stuff to the fires of purification and dedicating your life to service on our beautiful Gaia....
Hats off to you for having crystal clear intentions to EMBODY the new energies and birth the New Earth in the NOW... 

BUT please remember something...

Be a good human.

The word "good" is kind of wrong but you know what I mean. 

Act in love and compassion.
Live from the heart.

Acknowledge that on this journey of human-ing there will be times when you get angry and sad and speak badly to others and then regret the nasty words.

We can only do our best.
And considering we are multidimensional beings currently made manifest in physical form right now our best is extremely magical.
No pressure dear human (he he).

In all seriousness please hold yourself in the same love and compassion you offer others as goodness knows this human-ing is not for the feint hearted!

In my process of unravelling, I have managed to uncover a few jewels amidst the tears and rage...  and I been querying my ability to walk my talk. 

Do I really live this EMBODIED life that I speak of so much?

For me EMBODIMENT is what my entire earth walk is about. 
To be the bridge between spirit and matter. 
To be the channel for the star codes, new energies, love light frequency to anchor into our beloved Gaia. 
To live my full MULTIDIMENSIONAL nature in this human form in the here and now. 
Knowing that by marrying my Spirit and Body together I can live my gifts in this life and create a ripple of activation with my resonance (that I see as a field of rainbow light frequency).  Infusing the earth plane with the magic of the Multiverse and assisting in the anchoring of "Heaven on Earth".

This is what yoga is all about (from my perspective) although it is not always taught in this way.  All this reawakening the body wisdom, purifying, focusing our awareness and opening ourselves to experience ourselves beyond the veils of illusion is our highest service work… by this I mean calling all of our dimensional abilities (12 and above) to participate in this human life.  KA-BAM!  This is what it feels like to live our Divine nature as the Gods and Goddesses we are walking in human form on the earth. 

Imagine a whole planet of beings fully awake to who we are, infusing every moment of life with this our crystalline vibration?  Imagine how fast our reality would shift then! WOWSERS!  It might be idealistic but this is the vision that I am holding in my heart for our planet and this is the why I continue to do the work I do.

This is a BIG path to walk and, specifically in this week of falling apart, I have acknowledged in all my human-ness I am not always embodying my vision.  It is as if I can begin to feel this integration on an energetic and bigger picture level as I commune with my Higher Self and "Energetic Team" often BUT then I zoom back into the earth plane where I am getting down and dirty as a human and I question whether or not I am truly holding the light, compassion and unconditional love as I participate in relationships, in family units and all the goodness of life.  

I have to say EMBODIMENT and this spiritual path are way easier when walking solo. Specifically as there is no one to call you out on your shit and force you to fully participate in a human way (if that makes sense).  It's easy to priestess when sitting in one's private temple space, attuned to Spirit and the Goddess and doing our ceremonies, devotional practices and rituals.  But then throw in some relationship bumps, group dynamics, a baby and no sleep for a year and things get pretty raw and real!    

Can we really live this frequency when the shit hits the fan?  When we are asked to enter into a situation that triggers us and makes us contract so far that we want to leave this earth realm?  Or can we EMBODY the love light unconditionally? 

Big questions I know but I feel they need to be spoken as an act of accountability for all of us.  

Self love is another thing that has come up for me as I feel as if we have been working so hard to love ourselves and remove the programming that said it was wrong for us to do so... but have we gone so far that we now spiritually bypass situations that make us feel too much discomfort all in the name of self love and preservation?  For example - "I can't be in that place because the energy is just too negative and it's not good for my field" or "I had to cut that person from my life because they were not serving me".

I agree wholeheartedly in pulling out our sword of truth and lovingly cutting through illusion but I am also being reminded that this path is also about continuing to EMBODY the frequencies of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, COMPASSION in all moments.  If we knew how powerful we truly are we (and believed it) we would have no trouble in holding the space in all situations - even when the big solar flares hit us, we feel ascension symptoms and the fluctuations of the harmonic resonance of our planet knock us off balance.  When we are truly in alignment do these external factors really need to affect us so much?  This does not mean you can't feel sad, or have wild moments of release - hell no - this is all the fun part of being human but please remember the bigger multidimensional YOU in the process.  

Balance is key as we dance with these new energies and remember how to integrate the fullness of who we are in this physical body. 

As I continue to navigate these murky waters I offer myself compassion.  I plug myself into the earth and stars, I drop into my heart and I breathe love light into every cell of my being, amplifying my field with the energy of love and compassion.  Sometimes I don't feel it as I am pissed off and emotional so I fake it til I make it.  These energies are so strong they will eventually transmute the lower frequencies.  Taking the eagle view of the situation helps too. 

I put all labels of Priestess and Light worker aside and just try to be a good human.  This is my practice.

I love you... x

Call of the Goddess

I remember when the Goddess first called me to Ibiza.  She gave me a strong suggestion that I needed to change all of my plans and arrive here as something big was coming.  Something I had been praying for.  Although it seemed crazy at the time as I had a new mortgage, I literally quit my TV job, rented my apartment and started the ball rolling on what would be the greatest shift (and breakthrough) of my life… and how I come to be walking the path I walk today.  It was particularly sweet as she led me to my beloved husband who was also guided to this magnetic island having received his own transmission that he was needed here pronto.

In her many forms, the Goddess gives me the strength to bravely walk the path of my destiny (whatever that may be).  She is Source, Infinite Light, she is is Mother Father God / Goddess and she shows up in different forms when I needed support or a gentle reminder of the magic of this world.  She walks me through the dark times and dances with me in celebrate and joy.  Sometimes she is bold, vibrant, wild and totally in my face, shaking me to get my attention or she can be subtle, a simple suggestion and reminder that I am part of something much bigger than myself

Even though I sometimes block her communication I know she is always here.  These feelings of disconnection, of feeling exceptionally human and stuck in a dimension that feels heavy and challenging still happen to me.  The deeper I allow myself to go into the feeling of separation the more I find myself in a funk of feeling blocked.  I feel tense and frustrated and like I have blinkers on from seeing the bigger picture and the magic that is inside and all around me.  Unable to see the river of flow that is beckoning me to let go and dive in as I am too caught up in my stuff.  

I feel the sensations of not feeling good enough, and feel tired, broken and overwhelmed at the mammoth task we have on this planet right now.... looking around and feeling like everyone else is flying while I flounder for a while, wallowing in my shadow.  When I navigate this terrain of the underworld I feel it but I don't attach to it.  I am grateful to journey with eagle medicine and am reminded minute to minute to see the bigger picture which may not remove the need to be in the dark times but it does provide some perspective.

But then I breathe and plug myself deeply into the earth... the greta Mother Goddess Gaia.  I get quiet and open the channel of allowing.  And it is from here I call to her in my prayers.  Sometimes these are actual prayers for assistance, sometimes it is in my movement practice and, as I type, I am reminded that my connection with her is omnipresent (even though my human-self sometimes forgets this) and the line of communication is always open so there is almost no need to call as she is already here.... I am her and she is me.  

I must add that although mother hood is often too full for many of my usual alignment rituals I have to say that breastfeeding and singing my baby to sleep are sacred gifts as it is in these moments that I can step out of myself and feel the current of the Divine move through me.    

And she shows herself in any ways.

in visions ~ in whispers and tones ~ in synchronicities ~ in the animals that show up in my field ~ the things that catch my eye ~ the cards I pull from my deck ~ the feeling in my body. 

I experience her because I invite her in.  I allow her to move through me.  I embody her.  This is my path in this life... to remember this process and shine the light for others. 

I used to wonder if I was making it up and my imagination was running wild but she has assured me it is time to put those thoughts aside.  Even when I go on psychedelic astral adventures and it seems too incredulous to be real I ask myself how I am feeling and the answer is always expanded... filled with pure love, joy and light.  And it is the frequencies that show me the truth.    

If this is resonating with you please do not worry about your wild imagination as it really is your greatest guide in accessing the multiverse.  Take the red pill, hop on your magic carpet and enjoy the journey I say.  

If you feel to work with specific Goddess energies there are so many lineages and frequencies to access depending on your needs.  In my experience whoever I feel to call upon or place my awareness on will appear... right now that is Mary Magdalene, Inanna and Isis...and now I am back in Ibiza I am asking for the Goddess Tanit to come through.  When you dive deep into to the mystery streams and the different codes you will feel the similarities in the energies these goddesses bring forth.  These goddess are all manifestations of Shakti and they are here for us to embody in the here and the now.

She asked me to share this with you tonight... from the dark bedroom where my baby is quietly sleeping.  So if you are reading this right now it is for YOU.

Reflections on Motherhood

Wow... it's been so long since my last post.  

My life over these last 6 months as a Mother has been so full and huge.  I have felt so high and elated, bursting at the seams with love for my new star being (and beloved husband)… but have also felt challenged.  Torn by wanting to continue to ride the waves of creativity that flow through me but acknowledging that taking deep exhales of surrender is my path right now.  

I have felt jealous looking at my sisters birthing new work and getting involved in the festivals I have always loved.  They seem so free with space to do whatever they please just as I used to although, in hindsight I feel like I took all that time for granted...

but in the same breath have found an immense sense of relief and wholeness that I have embarked on a new path.  A path that I have always yearned for. 

Motherhood certainly feels a lot bigger than I could have ever imagined… but I am grateful… 

I am completely supported, both by my beloved, and Spirit.  I have no need to worry to create or generate abundance.  I have the luxury to completely relax into where I am now… and despite all of this I am hard on myself and I feel the maiden inside fighting and complaining as she throws tantrums and rages… 

“I want to do more retreats, I want to go dancing… I want to do my work...  oh but I really want to do that workshop… aaaaargh” 

I don’t want to be forgotten!

Fears of losing my identity and dissolving even further into my new role of Mother… merging with the sea of mothers who have come before me is terrifying… yet at the same time deeply empowering as I have come to know a sense of inner power, courage and strength that I never knew I possessed.

The mother journey walks us into the underworld asking us to surrender who we are in total service to another.  For most of us this is painful… even when we have desired it for so long.  Like the caterpillar dissolving to become a butterfly we too turn to mush.  A sleep deprived, worn out state.  Our bodies transformed (dare I say it “trashed”) beyond recognition in the process of pregnancy and birth and our world turned upside down...

...and yet we step up and selflessly serve like never before. 

I find myself wondering what it would be like to become a mother in a time when we are not so driven, perhaps having babies when we were younger and not so established in who we are and on our paths... if that makes sense.  Maybe the surrender would have felt easier then... I'm not sure.  

Perhaps this is not all of your experience… but I have to say this journey has been much bigger than I ever envisioned, especially for my beloved body.  It is not that I wanted to get my “pre-baby body” back as am comfortable with the extra padding that provides nourishment for my hungry babe but it is the deep transformation that has gone on within.  Physically I am altered, and I learned this the hard was when I excruciatingly inflamed a disc in my back after a gentle yoga practice (well maybe it was a little too dynamic for my post partum body).  It felt so good to move like me again… in fact this was my yearning after my wild birth. 

“I can’t wait to feel like me again”

I asked questions of fellow yogis and dancers… asking when can I practice again? 2 months… 6 months?  But now I acknowledge that, although the strength may come back, my body has been through such an initiation that I have evolved into a new way of being and perhaps the “me” I have known and loved is gone forever. 

Energetically this is felt so much.

If we talk in archetypes, ever since I became pregnant I felt myself stepping into my Queen.  I was honoured by everyone I met (as so many pregnant women are - and all should be)!  I felt myself expanded, more whole and so much more embodied than ever before. All of the archetypes rolled into one… the softness and nurturing of the mother, the strength and courage of the warrior, the sensuality of the lover and the mystical connection of the priestess walking between worlds and birthing new life through her womb.

My life has become so much more simplified as I slowly (and often begrudgingly) release my work.  Right now I have three international retreats, and my Sisters of the Moon virtual temple and the odd ritual practice and that is all.  I am missing my writing the most as rarely find the space as baby needs me all the time… so I am grateful for this 15 minutes while he sleeps to pen this note to you. 

I often feel as if I am letting myself down as I do not have the space for my daily meditation and yoga, the little rituals that make me feel good.  I do have time in the evenings but I am often so tired watching a film or netflix is more where I am at… and that is OK.

Now my simple practice is the deep intimacy I feel when I am breastfeeding my babe, gazing into his eyes and feeling myself merging with Spirit; the deep belly breaths I take as I plug myself into earth and stars and call myself back into alignment.  Sometimes I get frustrated that I am getting left behind spiritually as I am not doing my usual “work” and I look around and compare myself to others who seem to be advancing so very fast… 

but then I breathe and realise how activated I am in every moment.  Like this transition to mother has opened portals in myself that I previously had to work to access. 

A sister just wrote in my Priestess group that I am likely to be turning inwards for at least 5 years, specifically if we have another baby, and when I read these words I though - ARRRRRGGGH.  NO!  I cannot take it for this long. 

But day my day, breath by breath I know all is as it should be… as I am creating it this way.

I prayed to the Goddess for a deep dive of surrendering into the Great Mystery and this is certainly what I am on.  And even when I feel myself resisting with every cell I have full trust that wherever this wild ride is going is exactly what I need to experience.    

If you see me in the street wrangling my wrigley, giant baby you may see more of a hot mess with unwashed hair, dirty clothes and bags under my eyes but there is an energy... an new sense of grounding... a deeper connection to the Mother, to Gaia, to the cycles of birth and death of this life.  If you can shift your focus and see beyond the exterior I promise you will catch a glimpse of the the most radiant Queen you have ever seen.

She is in all of us... mothers or not... the initiations of this life remove the layers and remind us of her.  If you quieten now and plug into the womb of the earth you may hear her whisper to you.  Ask for her to show herself to you and help you rise in full embodiment of your divine grace in the here and now.

I see you and am here to support you sweet goddess... reach out anytime you need me.

++++     

I am sending you masses of love from our little temporary home at the beach in Bali and am so excited to be off on our adventure for this year.  Totally open to inner guidance as we really do not know where we will end up.  There is always a loose plan and the odd teaching date to meet but the rest is up to Spirit. 

Love, SJ x